what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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