We named our party play list daddy issues
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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