She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
