all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
