my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
