At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
handjob tips. give me some.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
