if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
