i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
