Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
