Pants 0. Shit 1.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
