What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think a kid would responsible me up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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