I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
