i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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