He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
