You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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