I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
