i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
