I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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