i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
COCAINE IS GR8
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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