someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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