I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
