Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
