dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
