I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
