i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I did not marry a roomba.
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