By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
