Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
