the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
