I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
