wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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