turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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