we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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