is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
