don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
