If i come over, it means nothing
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
