I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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