i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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