Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
