He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ok first of all what the fuck
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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