Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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