Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
