hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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