Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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