Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
