Little spoons don't ask big questions
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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