I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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