he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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