the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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