I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
