So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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