Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
