drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
