i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Shame is for Republicans.
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