Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
