You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This baby is an asshole
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
