we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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