Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
