If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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