i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
