Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
