Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
