Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
