she looked like the before picture.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
