We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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