so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize