You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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