I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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