im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
