when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
