So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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