You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
