My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
