I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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