Please, let me fuck your mom
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize