I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
