awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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