The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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