today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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